The Upside of Deprivation
When we fill out those long registry lists and stockpile our homes with newborn garments, our thoughts often fall along the lines of “I want the best for my baby.” After all, how could you scrimp on your infant?
The funny thing about babies, however, is that the monetary value we assign to things is totally foreign to them. They’re like little aliens who perceive a wooden spoon as being just as valuable as a fifty dollar bamboo teether. Often they’re more impressed with a cardboard box and wrapping paper than they are with the pricey stuffed animal inside. Most importantly, they would rather have our time and attention than any gadget under the sun.
Our purchases communicate our values. Do we really think brand names are important? Do we have to have the latest styles when they’ll look just as cute in last year’s fashions? If we opt to purchase quality used gear, they won’t know the difference and we’ll also be gifting them with resourcefulness and creativity.
In fact, our babies aren’t deprived at all when we opt to buy less and buy used. They’re learning that resources (natural and financial) need to be respected and used carefully. Plus, they may see the positive results of delayed gratification as you have increasingly more resources to use on their education, travel and family time.
Do you under indulge with your baby? How do friends and family react? Do you ever feel guilty about spending less on your child?
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October 5th, 2009 at 6:11 am
A few years ago my cousin gave her then one-year-old son boxes of Cheerios wrapped up for Christmas. He had a great time opening his “presents.” He didn’t care what was in them, and he didn’t “need” anything so they were able to start a Christmas tradition without purchasing unnecessary items. I’ve also heard people do this with forgotten toys. I think it is a great idea.
October 5th, 2009 at 7:38 am
Thank you for the article…it couldn’t have stated better how I feel! I am pregnant with baby #1 and I am resisting buying many things. I am given many sideways glances at my refusals, but I would prefer to have the money to DO things with the baby, then to HAVE things. As I look around, it seems that we have become so over saturated with stuff–I’d really like to cut back on that.
October 5th, 2009 at 4:27 pm
For my son’s second birthday we gave him a bucket full of rocks. One of his favorite activities is to throw rocks into water so instead of buying him something, we dug out a unnecessary storage tub, washed some rocks and put them in the tub. It has entertained him for hours. I did feel guilty for it at first, but then the inventiveness of his gift helped me overcome my guilt. I want to make it part of my life now.
October 5th, 2009 at 9:08 pm
I have vowed to not buy one single thing at full price, new, etc. There is no use in doing so from what I see, b/c as soon as your baby uses it once it is a used item too! If it can be washed thoroughly and is a quality product, I see no reason in recycling baby gear. It’s financially sensible, the baby could care less, most people can’t even tell the difference (not that I’d care anyway), and it’s Green!!!
October 5th, 2009 at 9:09 pm
** meant to say I see no reason to NOT recycle baby gear
October 6th, 2009 at 5:12 am
Cheerios just went on the list for my son’s first Christmas presents. I got a set of plastic nesting mixing bowls for my first birthday. When my inlaws were asking what his favorite toys were (looking to buys some for a visit) they were taken aback when I said faces. They were however delighted after the visit when they found that to be the case. Most of his favorite toys (with some notable exceptions) have come out of the recycling box. I also like the idea of a few investment toys (not price, but long term usefulness) like a set of nesting/stacking cups.
I love the tub of rocks.
October 6th, 2009 at 5:40 am
I’m pregnant with #1, and have gotten most stuff used or for free from friends (except the carseat, for safety reasons). We’re still a bit overwhelmed with baby stuff, especially since this is the first grandchild on both sides of the family. But I also put things like “casseroles for the freezer” on our gift registry, so people could feel like giving those things was appropriate and much appreciated.
Great ideas for future birthdays, though—I’ll have to keep those in mind!
October 6th, 2009 at 10:33 am
I almost always buy things only on sale, or buy generic items, such as food. Rarely do we spend full price. I think my frugalness drives my husband nuts when grocery shopping.
But, when I was pregnant, before I got into AP and natural birth, I thought that we needed SO many things that we weren’t going to be able to get. I freaked out when things didn’t get bought off the registry. We did buy lots of used items, but didn’t get everything people mostly think you need.
It slowly dawned on me as I learned about AP and took natural birth classes that it didn’t make sense to me to buy things for my baby that would only take him further away from me. I invested in a couple of slings after his birth, sold the bassinet and co-slept, and used my money on cloth diapers. When we realized our son’s favorite “toy” was an infant hairbrush, we breathed a sign of relief for not buying any expensive toys. He still carries that hairbrush around (“safety net?”) at one year old. At times the swing or other toys were nice, but all we really needed was a sling, breastfeeding, and room in the bed for baby safely (and a hairbrush). And I wouldn’t have it any other way, even if I made millions of dollars.
October 6th, 2009 at 10:36 am
Lol, and, I get really, REALLY excited when I get a great used item for a fabulous cost. Doesn’t take much for me to be happy!
October 7th, 2009 at 8:30 pm
I don’t feel guilty about it at all! I try to never buy anything full price and will usually look for used items instead of buying new, and that goes for baby stuff as well. I just found out we’re having another girl, which means that our first girls’ (mostly) used clothes and toys can be used yet again.
October 21st, 2009 at 1:51 am
As I was researching preschools, one of the websites I found stated beautifully (and I will butcher her idea) that it is imperative for development of the imagination that kids have toys that are kind of generic. For instance, a rock can be a fire engine or a dinosaur or whatever he imagines in his play. A fancy plastic fire engine that makes siren noises can only be that and limits the imagination. Right now my son’s favorite toys are sticks he finds in the yard.