The Friday Question: What has parenting taught you?
Surrender. That’s the word that most quickly comes to mind when I ponder what the sleepless nights and soggy diapers have taught me.
Before this, I had my own food, my own music, my own space and now my offspring have moved in to claim all of those territories and more. And yet, surrender isn’t such a bad thing. What was so great about the rigidity of having things “just so?” My kids teach me to be flexible on a daily basis and not get so caught up in expectations. When I forget, they’re happy to remind me with a temper tantrum, a flung spoonful of pureed pears, or an unexpected grin.
What have you learned from your child on this parenting journey? Remember that many of our readers are pregnant and will benefit from your experience!
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March 12th, 2010 at 7:00 am
That a smile or belly laugh from your little one makes everything better!
March 12th, 2010 at 10:11 am
Oh, Ali, that is so true! And when your little one gets big enough to spontaneously throw their arms around you and say “hug” that’s even more true.
I’ve learned the mantra “it’s just a phase.” And I’ve learned that this applies to both the good and bad things. The food-throwing is a phase. The lip-pulling is a phase. The fascination with trash cans is a phase. But also the cute baby sleep sighs are a phase, and the desire to brush the teeth of stuffed animals is a phase, and so on. I’ve learned to be more patient with the behaviors that annoy me and to really try to savor the adorable moments.
March 12th, 2010 at 10:11 am
Two things come to mind:
1. what it feels like to love and be loved unconditionally
2. I don’t have to be the person in control of a situation all of the time. it’s okay to let go.
March 12th, 2010 at 11:12 am
I’ve learned to just slow down. I was a pretty busy person before our sweet baby. I always had everything in order and just right. But since baby I’ve really learned to savor the moments and enjoy our sweet girl, even if it means talking sweetly to her at 2am. Time will pass so quickly and I want to savor every moment that I can.
March 12th, 2010 at 4:35 pm
A lesson I am still learning is to not base my self-esteem or self-perception on what I can get done. Raising kids is a different kind of productivity — lots of repetitive tasks with no end, no paycheck, no tangible product, often in isolation from other adults. I have what I like to call a “completion compulsion.” When I start a project (whether cleaning, cooking, organizing, writing, or something on the computer), I like to finish it! Needless to say, this is often not possible with little ones. My day is often a series of interruption with little opportunity to get “lost” in an activity. Sometimes when the kids are sick and the house is a mess and there is no food I think, “I haven’t gotten a thing done today!” One day I said to my sister, “I feel like the most unproductive person in the world,” and she replied, “No, you’re not! You’re raising kids!” It’s hard to remember that just keeping everyone alive is sometimes an accomplishment.
I am also trying hard to learn to “Be in the moment” and not worry about all the things that need doing.
March 13th, 2010 at 3:40 pm
My word would be: adapt. Before having kids I was totally laid back, go with the flow, which can be very helpful with kids, but it can also come back to bite you. One of my kids is pretty easy going, but the other is very high stress and likes things just so. I’ve had to step it up and actually plan and establish a general routine and both my kids (and, yes, even I) have been much happier like that. Who knew?
March 14th, 2010 at 10:41 am
I have learned the true meaning of the word “sacrifice”. I have sacrificed more than I thought possible for my kids and would happily give up everything for them if necessary. It’s the “happily” part that is most surprising of all!