Maybe Just One More Baby…?

While we theoretically wanted more than one child, after the first year or so of parenting our first, we weren’t entirely sure. I was tired. I was living in body that still hadn’t recovered from pregnancy and birth, and I couldn’t imagine being in charge of another human being. But somehow, just twelve months later, I was happily pregnant.

What happened? I’m pretty sure it was just short term memory loss. I slogged through another pregnancy while encountering the parenting challenges of the terrible twos, working nearly full time, and writing our book, The Eco-nomical Baby Guide.

Still, the moment my daughter, Jovi, arrived, it was so clear that we had made the right choice. In the exhausting weeks that followed, we weren’t always euphoric about our new parenting demands, but we also delighted about having our new baby.

And now…my little newborn in 3 1/2 years old–and I’m 40. It’s very clear to me that I do NOT want to host a living being in my body at this point, but adoption sort of dangles out there attractively as a possibility. It’s not the paperwork of adoption, or the complicated process of adoption, or the cost of adoption–but the fact that some baby out there needs a loving family and that there is room in our home.

We still have much of the baby gear from our first two, although I have put most of it out on loan. But there are eight Fuzzi Bunz cloth diapers that I can’t seem to get rid of. What if we do decide to have another child and I won’t have them on hand? (It’s ridiculous, I know!)

And yet when one of my kids has the flu or the laundry piles up, it’s very clear to me that we are utterly, absolutely, happily done adding members to our family. But then a few months go by, and that short term memory loss kicks in again.

Am I actively pursuing adoption? Not even remotely. But if someone left a baby in a basket on our doorstep, it would be easy to fold that little person into our family life. Have you ever struggled with the decision to have another baby? Is environmental impact a factor for you? Or cost? Or just the added complication?


  1. I have two boys – a 2 1/2 year old and a 7 month old, and I desperately want a girl. And we always wanted a bit bigger family than just the four of us. I’ve considered that if I don’t want to give birth again (and chance another boy), that we could adopt a little girl of 6-7 years old once the boys are older (like 8 and 10). That way I would know it would be a little girl and we could open up our home to a child who needs one. But I haven’t done much research into it yet. And maybe I will change my mind and try for a girl myself. Ahhh – choices, choices!

  2. I have two girls – a 20 month old and a 2 month old. I desperately feel the need to have more kids, but after two c-sections, I don’t think I will get pregnant again until my kids are at least school age. So in the meantime, we will wait a couple years until they are both walking and talking and a little less dependent before we start the adoption process. Luckily, my husband and I are in complete agreement that we want a big family and my husband is happy to adopt or have biological children, whichever route I want to go! The only question going forward is whether we can afford private adoption or if we’d prefer to adopt a child in gov’t care (often older and many with FAS or other challenges).

  3. You bring up such a good point Jennie! Private adoption can cost $10K-$20K–and international adoption can cost more than that. We’re really interested in the foster-to-adopt program with young kids, but so far we’ve been too tired to make any forward motion. We would need to take a 6 month course and then I’d have to figure out how to foster while working–I don’t want to cause strain for a child coming out of a traumatic environment and then going into daycare. Maybe next year if I can work half time!

    With any type of adoption, there is a government tax break of about $12K…so that is at least a bit helpful! But it is a big process. I’d love to hear more from someone who has adopted a third child.

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