The end is near! Of Pregnancy, I mean. The birthing bed is made up and ready for laboring, the water heater is turned up and ready to fill the birthing tub, and the fridge is filled with coconut water. Bring it on!
I’ve been talking to Franci about her little sister for months, but lately I’ve changed the conversation. It’s not so much about, “there’s a baby in my belly” but how she’ll be helping care for the baby: reading her books, being gentle, doing laundry (her favorite chore).
Since we’re having another girl, there wasn’t really anything to buy. We picked up a case of diapers, but she’ll be in cloth (and infant potty training) as soon as the meconium is passed.
Despite the preparations, it’s hard to feel “prepared”. What are we missing?
Did you do anything else to prepare for a second child, or is there anything you wish you had done?
Frances’ “bad behavior” started off with hair pulling and nipple biting. A stern “NO” and forcing her to release the hair (or nipple) results in a giggle and a big smile. She has since grown out of these – through no help from me, I suspect – and has moved on to hitting. It’s not often, but when she does hit I grab the offending arm firmly, look her right in the eye, and give her a stern “NO”.
Like all babies and toddlers, she loves computers. If she’s sitting on my lap while I type, she struggles in my arms to reach for the keyboard. Moving her farther away, or removing the keyboard from her path, results in a meltdown. I calmly explain that my computer isn’t a toy, and she can’t sit on my lap if she won’t follow directions and not touch my computer. This doesn’t really work.
Once Franci started crawling, she started getting herself into a lot more trouble. It has only increased as she started to walk. We put most dangerous items out of reach, and baby proofed the bathroom cabinets. I also try to stop her from opening any drawers I don’t want emptied out. I’m hoping she breaks the habit, but sometimes (like when I’m cooking) I don’t have time to correct her over and over. As a temporary deterrent, I put a chair in front of the tempting drawer.
We’re more into “house-proofing” the baby than “baby-proofing” the house, but parenting books don’t seem to get into the “how-tos” of accomplishing that. Since she loves music, and can’t resist a remote or computer, if she touches either without permission, the music gets turned off until she finds something else to play with. It is not working.
I’ve read different ideas on correcting “wrong” behavior, and I’m curious to hear what our readers have found to be successful. Getting mad or yelling certainly isn’t the answer, and it’s impossible to make a child listen if they don’t want to.
How do you discipline your child? Have you tried methods that don’t work (but you thought might)? What worked for you?
Since I can’t fit into any of the clothes in “Franci’s” closet any way, I decided to take advantage of the situation and pack it up first. That way the closet would be empty and I could move Franci from her crib to a mattress on the floor. That way she’d get to take baby steps towards her new sleeping situation. I set up her crib mattress in the corner on the floor, and spread one of her softest blankets next to it (since she’ll probably roll off once or twice).
When it was time for bed, I made a few mistakes I wouldn’t repeat. We went through her usual routine, but when it was time to read her bedtime story we read it in her bed instead of mine (like usual). That was my first mistake. I said good night and closed the closet door and she immediately started crying. I wanted to reassure her, so I went back into the closet and laid down with her. I sang a couple of songs in the dark, but her eyes were wide open. If I was quiet, she made up for the silence by talking and playing.
I should have known she wouldn’t sleep if I was there. I’ve never once gotten her to nap in my bed with me (but she will nap in bed or on the couch with her dad). Instead, she prefers to crawl all over me like I’m a jungle gym. She was so busy jumping on her bed and dancing around the closet; she was more worked up than calmed by my presence.
Finally, I just left. She cried for a minute or two, and then was quiet for ten or so minutes. This repeated a couple of times until she finally went to sleep. When I checked on her a couple hours later, she was curled up on the bed with her stuffed animals. While not a total failure, I couldn’t count it as a win.
The next night I decided to stick to our routine, and just laid her on her mattress, kissed her goodnight and shut the door. I don’t know if that was the magic trick, or if it was the fact that she was already used to the change, but she went right to sleep. We’ll see later this week if the mini-transition made the move to a big bed in a big room any easier!
How did you transition your little one out of a crib? What things went well and what would you do differently?
I have been meaning to update our Blogroll for months and months, and I’ve finally done it! The eminent arrival of baby number two in 69 days has spurred me to get through as much of my to-do list as I can, and connecting with other green parenting bloggers is at the top of that list.
You can find a list of these “Blogs We like” at the bottom of the righthand colum. I encourage you to check them out and like them on Facebook! If you have any suggestions for green parenting websites, please leave me a comment so I can add them to the list. If there are any blogs I’ve listed but you think deserve a little extra attention, please leave a comment!
And if you know of any good Blog Carnivals, please let me know!
I was prepared for our normal routine to get tossed aside while Frances was sick, but I wasn’t prepared for how disruptive it is to be a sick parent.
Franci spent a week with a high fever and another 5 days convalescing. She had little appetite and no energy, so we spent her few waking hours snuggling on the couch and trying desperately to find food she would eat. I tried everything, even resorting to ice cream (which despite loving on a normal basis, wouldn’t touch while sick). Since she was sick, I felt no guilt plying her with processed foods and fruit juice. I held her when she was fussy and indulged her every whim. After all, I believe in coddling sick members of my family.
After she started to feel better, I’m the one who took a turn for the worst. Our daily schedule broke down even more than when she was sick. For example, Franci doesn’t get to eat between mealtimes but while I was sick she got a cracker every time she started to bother me. Anything to keep her quiet while I moaned and rocked and ran to the bathroom.
I had no energy to try out 10 different healthy foods until I found one she would eat instead of spitting out or tossing on the floor. So once again I plied her with processed food in various shades of white (minus the ice cream). TV was watched in abundance and, at one desperate moment, she even got to hold my phone.
Whatever guilt I didn’t feel while babying my sick baby returned tenfold as I let her run wild during my own illness. We maintain a fairly strict order around here, but how does one manage when sick? More importantly, how am I supposed to deal with it once I’m out numbered??
How do you maintain household order, and your own sanity, when sickness hits your home? Do you call in reinforcements? Let it run its course and hope it doesn’t take too long to return to normal? Or do you have a contingency system in place?
While it may be possible to reduce certain triggers, like baby-proofing tempting cupboards or only offering her food she likes, leaving her in a dirty diaper is not an option. Plus, I believe it’s a bad habit to give into her every whim, so sometimes she just has to put up with not being picked up as I finish my blog post.
Understanding that her tantrums are a result of not being able to communicate and being frustrated, tired or hungry doesn’t make dealing with them any more fun. The only thing we can do is whether the storm and not get too frustrated ourselves.
I think the hardest trap to avoid falling into is not using punishments or rewards. It’s not fair to take away something just because Franci is too young to communicate. And I don’t want to get in the habit of bribing her for good behavior. Especially since she probably doesn’t understand that concept yet any way.
For me, the worst part about tantrums at this age are knowing that she is so desperate to be understood, but just can’t figure out how to communicate. The emotions she is experiencing, like pain from teething, are hard to verbalize. I can show her the sign for pain a million times, but I don’t think she understands what pain is.
In an effort to get past this phase (that will inevitably last several years) I am turning to the internet for advice. BabyZone had a good primer on tantrums, and Baby Centre had some good tips, but the best advice comes from parents who have gone through the same thing. Of course, I have to wade through a bunch of less useful comments to find the gems.
What tricks did you use to get through your child’s tantrums? I’ll try anything!
When we began our breastfeeding journey, I remember hearing the advice, “even one day is better than nothing. And one week is better than one day, one month is better than one week. Any amount of time breastfeeding is a good choice.” It was comforting to know that no matter how long we breastfed, it was a good choice.
Even though I still believe in this advice, it’s hard to make the decision to wean. If one month is better than one week, isn’t 16 months better than 15? I’m finding it very difficult to decide to end something that is so good for my child.
We’ve already passed the American Association of Pediatric’s recommendation of one year, and I don’t think we’ll make it to World Health Organization’s recommendation of two years. (Thank goodness we’re not weaning according to these milestones).
In the course of researching weaning, I noticed that no one wants to suggest cues or milestones that indicate a child is ready to stop breastfeeding. Instead the advice is a vague, like, “when the child is ready…” or “when the child initiates weaning”. Well, what does this look like?? Some organizations, like the Mayo Clinic and La Leche League, provide tips on how to wean, but nothing about what signs to look for.
I realize that no one wants to get criticized for providing advice that someone may not like or agree with, but it sure doesn’t make a hard decision easier!
What “signs” led you to end your breastfeeding journey? After it was over, did you wish you had stopped sooner or kept at it longer?
It has been a few years since Joy posted about her experience giving birth with a midwife. She wrote a series of three great posts: Choosing a Midwife, The Unique Perspective Midwives Bring to Birth and Top Ten Reasons for Choosing a Midwife Over an MD. I recommend them to anyone even considering going with a midwife, not just for a home birth but at a birthing center or hospital.
When I was pregnant with Frances, the only maternity insurance a self-employed woman could get in our state only covered emergencies. After doing a little research, I discovered a hospital birth would cost us at minimum $10,000 out of pocket. Since birthing centers are illegal here, we decided to look into a home birth with a midwife. I never thought I’d give birth at home, but I’m too frugal to drop $10K when there are cheaper alternatives. Plus, I had the assurance that if complications arose, we were covered by our insurance.
Now that Obamacare has mandated I have access to maternity coverage, I could give birth at a hospital without going bankrupt. The thing is, I wouldn’t dream of it! I had such a wonderful experience with a midwife-assisted home birth, I’m excited to do it again.
Since there are no birthing centers in our state, and no state licensing for midwives, we had to be extra diligent when choosing a midwife. It was up to us to make sure she was experienced and qualified. To make sure we were thorough, I scoured the internet for advice on what to ask a potential midwife. I consulted many websites, and came up with a list of questions that elicited comments like, “Wow, you’re prepared!”, and “What a thorough list of questions.” from the midwives we interviewed.
With a few exceptions, these questions aren’t just good for midwives. It wouldn’t be a bad idea to interview a few OB’s with these questions before committing to one.
Questions for Midwives
Did I forget any questions? Please add to the list!
Most of you have probably heard of Amazon Prime, but have you heard of Amazon Mom? It gives you all the perks of a Prime membership (free 2-day shipping, access to the Kindle lending library, and free instant video streaming) plus 20% off Subscribe & Save orders of five or more.
(For those of you not familiar with Subscribe & Save, here’s how it works: Whatever items you’ve subscribed to are delivered by the first of the month at a 5% discount. You can cancel at any time, skip deliveries or have items delivered every two months, or six months, or whatever you decide. If you don’t cancel the subscription for an item, it is automatically delivered on the schedule you’ve set but you get a warning email with plenty of time to postpone or cancel subscription items.)
The thing about a Prime membership is that you kind of have to work for it. If you order a couple things a month, it’s probably not worth it. But if you’re like us and live in a smaller city where we can’t buy a lot of our preferred items, it’s possible to make it a good deal. We’ve been Amazon Prime members for years now because we order so many household items online that our UPS driver knows us by name.
You don’t have to be a mom to sign up for Amazon Mom, but you do have to have enough space to store whatever you buy. You often have to buy cases, or at least packs of two. The trick is to be creative and thorough about figuring out what you can order through Subscribe & Save and making sure you have at least five orders each time you choose to have a delivery. Sure you can order dishwasher detergent, but keep in mind you might end up storing a few bottles.
This also means you have to be good about keeping your subscriptions up-to-date so you don’t receive too much organic baby food or too many OxiClean Max Force Gel Sticks too often. (Then again, if you have a baby you can never have too many of these.) When the end of the month approaches, I log in to see what items are scheduled for delivery and arrange things so that I hit the magic number “five”. I may have an extra case of Chlorine Free Diapers or a bottle of Multi-Vitamins to store, but it’s worth it. If I’m close to five subscriptions but not there, I can always round it out with coffee or tea or toothpaste. You get the idea.
While Amazon Mom may not be for everyone, it’s worth it for moms who love a good deal but are too busy – or too tired – for the store.